First to those subscribed to this page. Thank you for subscribing! This post here is a personal one. It is meant for someone. I have thought about sending him these things directly, but right now I’ll just share it here. If he visits my page and happens to see it and decides to read it, good. If not, at least it is off my chest and I’m not spending another day thinking about this post or him or whatever else. Today I accepted that God in His sovereignty allowed this relationship to end and He wants me single to draw closer to Him, get to know him again, and even be comfortable eating when it is just me and Him at the table or going for a walk. I do have a blog dedicated to living single so I’ll be sharing posts about living single on that blog. I may share some of those post here, we’ll see [God’s willing].
Since I’ve made it clear that this post is for some one now I can say, “Hey NYC’s Finest 😀
Yeah, I thought that would be better 🙂 I’m hoping you would know it’s you that I’m speaking of. I know I’m being vague. But you used this nickname, maybe briefly, in your earlier years. Hopefully you can piece together where the response below is from. I just didn’t have the guts to send it to you through text. I made a video too but it was too large to share it where I wanted to share it. Maybe I can add it here…
But you knew me, you know me from my younger years, in those years I was always better at writing. At this time writing is the best way. I’m not nervous, just hoping you’d understand my decision to write. No phone call because I still have not overcome what I need to overcome personally. For us, for this situation, writing is easier than singing the songs I could have tried to sing in the singing group you invited me to.
PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN:
Too much for text (meaning text message/messenger)
“Thank you.
But do you or anyone else you know have anything else to say other than, ‘I deserve better than what you can give me, because that isn’t cutting it. You said that before and I disagreed. I disagree now. So maybe I’m not ‘woke’ yet. But if you don’t want to be with me say that. If you don’t want to fight for us, say that. Hahaha your invitation to that quarantine karaoke was sent at an interesting time. That’s what led to this conversation.
I’m happy you’re sleeping again though.
With us IDK, I’m not dating right now because I was advised not to by a counselor. Before that you were there, right there in the back of my head. I remembered you. Like I said if you dont want to be with me say that and if you’re stepping out of the ring when it comes to fighting for us – say that.
Why couldn’t you be honest from the start, whenever things started to change why couldn’t you JUST TELL ME! Whether it was or is something your parents told you or threatened you about, why couldn’t you tell me.
This is just the way our story unfolds. Together and then not, together and then not, again and again until one of us stops.
Your true colors reflect that of human nature
Unsure, unstable, not grounded, troubled, unsatisfied, desiring care and comfort. A lover is what you want maybe even a second mother too.
You know what you want, don’t you
God knows what you need
Are you pleasing Him, or your parents? Or yourself?
Love never gives up, it has never run out on me. That true live never gave up on me. That love is long lasting. That love, stays true, that love is honest. THAT LOVE is long suffering. He waits and He waits and He waits and He keeps on waiting, still He waits. For me, and for those who will say YES to HIM. HE is LOVE. You know who He is.”
I remember your response to my writing. Feel whatever you need to feel and work through it. It would be nice to know that you did see this post. It’s up to you to let me know. Below are some songs I’ve thought about singing in that singing group, but I’ve decided to not to for now.
Alrighty, all the best to you NYCs FINEST 🙂
I miss you. Song Coffee by Tori Kelly
Then Someone You Loved, The First Cut is the Deepest which was actually one of the first songs I heard that reminded me of us.
I Want to Hold Your Hand by the Beatles! You used to sing this song and it never registered that The Beatles sang this song. And I just remembered that movie we saw together with the guy who knew all of the Beatles songs but had no idea where the song ideas were coming from. Good times as you often said. 🙂
